Get help with the language of love with a Bahrain-based life coach
Time Out Bahrain staff
The current state of our intimate relationships is a reflection of our own self beliefs, relationship behaviours and self esteem levels. If we are running on pessimistic self beliefs, unhealthy relationship behaviours and low self esteem levels, then our relationships will reflect that dysfunction.
As Rumi says, removal of the barriers within ourselves will ensure love is found. The barriers are our behaviours that block love.
Detailed below are functional, healthy and successful behaviours that we can all incorporate into our current connections, ensuring relationship mastery.
L – Love yourself first Self esteem is the value and appreciation of oneself. In order to value, appreciate and love another we have to start with numero uno. Once we are able to love our own strengths and weaknesses, we are able to fully accept others. Self love is a journey that takes time. Once we make the intention to start to love ourselves, we embark on a road that can take months, years and decades to master. Yet it is the only road. As we learn to increase our self love, our emotions go from negative to more regularly positive, our relationships move from toxic to functional, and our lives in all areas become a success. To master self love, we have broken down a major barrier and a higher love is gained. This love from within will ensure a higher love from without.
O – Obliterate all control Along the road of self love, one learns that relinquishing codependent control over others ensures another love-busting barrier is gone. We can never, ever control anyone. We can never, ever change anyone. We can never, ever fix anyone. If you are in a relationship with a liar, cheater, drinker, gambler or abuser, and your self esteem is being affected, give up the illusion you will fix this person. As we obliterate fixing others, we bring the focus back to healing what is within us which has attracted this neglect in the first place. A healthy, thriving connection is where two high self-esteemed partners can love without the dependency on external addictions that destroy the heart of the relationship.
V – Validate the good Another barrier to bust in relationships is focusing on the flaws of another. As we focus on the flaws, those imperfections become larger in our realities and more barriers are formed. To truly increase the emotion of love from within, it pays to seek out the strengths and qualities in the partner we love. As we focus on the strengths, the qualities and the attributes we love, their appreciation and love is boomeranged back. Love draws unto itself. Spend one month appreciating, complimenting and supporting your partner, and see what is returned. As we verify and validate the good in ourselves and our partner, we become more loving.
E – Expression of needs Barriers to love are passive aggression, accepting mistreatment, anger and suppression of one’s needs. All of these behaviours have been ingrained because no one ever showed us that communication of our needs is okay. When we expressed what we needed as a child and that was shot down in flames, we learned to suppress. A wonderful behaviour for deeper love is open, honest and vulnerable communication. As we make the effort to identify, honour and express our needs, a wholeness, freedom and lasting love is born.
Kelly Armatage founded Kelly Armatage Inc., a therapy and coaching company focused on removing negative mindsets, behaviours and dynamics in individuals and companies. Visit www.kellyarmatage.com, firstname.lastname@example.org (1700 2320).
Workshops for you
Kelly Armatage hosts regular workshops in the community that aim to improve your life skills. Here’s what’s coming up soon…
‘The Winner’ for parents Conflict, communication and confidence training for parents February 25, 9am-noon Learn how to support your children by teaching them the following skills: conflict resolution including correct reactions, energy and communication to prevent bullying and conflict before it becomes an issue; communication skills to enhance relationships, self-esteem and self respect; confidence and how to increase this to achieve any goal in any area; and conditioning – the correct thinking patterns and behaviours required for peak health. BD20 advance payment. Words Bookstore Café, Palm Square, Budaiya (1769 0790).
‘The Winner’ for young adults Conflict, communication and confidence training for young adults (aged nine plus) March 7, 3pm to 6pm This three-hour behavioural training workshop covers all the same topics as in the above version for parents but directs all the content towards the children themselves in order to enhance the teaching of these skills within the family unit. BD20 advance payment. Words Bookstore Café, Palm Square, Budaiya (1769 0790).